Hello, my name is Andrea Lindsay and my business is called HALO Therapies. Hopefully you’ve had a chance to watch Career Change Part 1. If not, take the opportunity now, to go back and watch it and then come back to the 2nd part when you’ve had a chance to complete the first set of exercises. For those of you who are ready for part 2 — here goes!
George Bernard Shaw said “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.”
So, have you made your circumstances yet, or are you still looking for reasons why not to?
You’ll recall that in Part 1, you reflected upon a number of areas including; what you excel at, significant achievements, what you need to make you happy in a job and crucial things to enable you to achieve the work life balance that you really want. I also invited you to get some feedback from your family and friends about what they think you excel at and what limitations or excuses they’ve heard you use to avoid doing things or dealing with things. Well, today we are going to look at limitations, or more specifically, self-imposed limitations, in more detail. They could be excuses you’ve used and maybe even continue to use, perceptions or just habitual behaviours that have affected your career choices.
The first thing I’d like you to do, is to think about phrases or statements that either you have used, or you’ve heard others use about you and have then used them yourself, or, produced behaviours or actions that have affected your career choices in some way. Examples that other people have used include:
“I’m not good enough”
“I can’t stand up for myself”
“I make assumptions about other people’s perceptions of me”
“I make excuses for my lack of motivation”
“I am lazy”
“I don’t like change”
Now, get ready to pause this recording for a moment or two so that you can write down your own 3 limitations - now.
So, how did you get on? How easy or difficult was it to come up with your own examples? Were you honest with yourself about the excuses you’ve used in the past? Recognising that you’ve been using excuses is the first step to changing.
I’d now like you to think about the cost of these limitations and the negative effects on you and your life, for example, a missed job opportunity such as a potential promotion, or even avoiding the opportunity to make a new career choice, maybe a relationship breakdown or perhaps money problems.
So, get ready to pause this recording for a moment or two so that you can write down your 3 examples of where limitations have negatively impacted your life - now.
What did you come up with? How different could your life have been, had you not used these limitations or excuses? How often have you considered these thoughts before, but didn’t want to admit that you actually had a choice in the matter?
Since becoming a therapist, I’ve learned about something called ‘secondary gains’. One of the definitions of this term is:
“An indirect benefit, usually obtained through an illness or debility. Such gains may include monetary and disability benefits, personal attention, or escape from unpleasant situations and responsibilities”
So, what does this mean? Well, the focus is on the gain resulting from the behaviour. A secondary gain occurs when there is any perceived gain from behaving in a certain way. Let me give you an example.
Why do smokers smoke? Everyone knows that smoking is bad for you, that it can kill you and can have an adverse affects on those around you, such as your children. But — people still smoke — why? Because of the secondary gain, the perceived stress relief from smoking a cigarette, the social aspect of enjoying a cigarette with your friends, the opportunity to take a break, or to gather your thoughts. We know that the nicotine is out of your body within 48 hours of stopping smoking. The nicotine is the addictive chemical. If this is the case, why do so many people return to smoking? Well, it’s because of the psychological ‘gains’ from the habit. If you stop the habit, you stop the gain!
Let’s think about potential gains and the excuses you might use to maintain these gains. Some of the reasons other people have used include:
Check out Prezi version of this:
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